It’s very early, but somewhere in my head I remember it’s the first of June. That means I need to get Amy! Me, competitive, never - Haha. I think I send her a pinch punch message with Recky. Then I fall back into a drug induced deep sleep and wonder if any of that actually happened.... Later I find this ridiculous photo on my phone so I clearly did it! 🤣🤣
I wake again a few hours later and manage to get into my chair, it’s a big achievement and I feel proud. At some point I must get back into bed. I am fast asleep when I suddenly wake to some horribleness happening directly opposite me.
The lady in the bed opposite from me has just died, I heard a sigh, a very deep sigh and then that flatline noise. Then chaos with people rushing, around. Holy hell. I’m so confused if this is real or not. But it is real. Someone is dying / is actually dead. There is so much noise, wailing, bleeps. I am full of drugs and confused but I know it’s happening.
She appeared to have been very poorly, but it’s still beyond crap. I’m unsure if it’s a good thing or not, but her daughter is there, she sees her Mum die. The curtain was mercifully shut as the daughter and her husband were chatting with the nurse about something else when the Mum slipped away.
I ask for my curtain to be pulled around my bed, to give them as much privacy as I can. The poor daughter is wailing, shrieking, unable to believe what has happened. The nurses were talking with the dead lady about going home just hours earlier. It’s odd. I recall her saying, “that’s not happening lovey”. The Mum definitely knew, she waited for her daughter and husband to be there, gave her one last kiss and went.
I don’t want to think about it too much. I force myself drift into a sleep. When I wake up, unsure of how long I have dozed for, there’s a super strong smell of bleach, I guess a deep clean has happened. I’m asked at some point if I want my curtains pulled back, I say okay and in front of me is just a blank space. No bed, nothing, it could have been a dream were it not for the very definite bleach “cover-up” scent.
I feel bizarre about this all afternoon. I have just heard someone die, literally in front of my face.
Later that afternoon Sarah and Mish visit, it’s so good to see them. They wheel me outside and I get sunshine on my face. After the trauma of this afternoon, the sun is blissful.
After I come back to the ward and my oncologist has decided that my bloods show enough improvement to part start the new treatment so I take my first Exemestane.
As it has been 24 hours since the PICC line, the nurse also puts the dressing on, I immediately begin to itch and my skin really is not happy. Turns out I'm allergic to hypoallergenic dressings...
I wake again a few hours later and manage to get into my chair, it’s a big achievement and I feel proud. At some point I must get back into bed. I am fast asleep when I suddenly wake to some horribleness happening directly opposite me.
The lady in the bed opposite from me has just died, I heard a sigh, a very deep sigh and then that flatline noise. Then chaos with people rushing, around. Holy hell. I’m so confused if this is real or not. But it is real. Someone is dying / is actually dead. There is so much noise, wailing, bleeps. I am full of drugs and confused but I know it’s happening.
She appeared to have been very poorly, but it’s still beyond crap. I’m unsure if it’s a good thing or not, but her daughter is there, she sees her Mum die. The curtain was mercifully shut as the daughter and her husband were chatting with the nurse about something else when the Mum slipped away.
I ask for my curtain to be pulled around my bed, to give them as much privacy as I can. The poor daughter is wailing, shrieking, unable to believe what has happened. The nurses were talking with the dead lady about going home just hours earlier. It’s odd. I recall her saying, “that’s not happening lovey”. The Mum definitely knew, she waited for her daughter and husband to be there, gave her one last kiss and went.
I don’t want to think about it too much. I force myself drift into a sleep. When I wake up, unsure of how long I have dozed for, there’s a super strong smell of bleach, I guess a deep clean has happened. I’m asked at some point if I want my curtains pulled back, I say okay and in front of me is just a blank space. No bed, nothing, it could have been a dream were it not for the very definite bleach “cover-up” scent.
I feel bizarre about this all afternoon. I have just heard someone die, literally in front of my face.
Later that afternoon Sarah and Mish visit, it’s so good to see them. They wheel me outside and I get sunshine on my face. After the trauma of this afternoon, the sun is blissful.
As it has been 24 hours since the PICC line, the nurse also puts the dressing on, I immediately begin to itch and my skin really is not happy. Turns out I'm allergic to hypoallergenic dressings...
It has to stay in though, the nurses cover it with the accessible dressing and I have to deal with the horrible itching.
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