Chemoversary #4

I can hardly believe that today is my 4 year chemoversary! I am definitely "moving on" as it feels like a horrible distant nightmare rather than thinking about it every single moment of every single day.

Given that it's October and Breast Cancer Awareness month (though who isn't aware of breast cancer god only knows....) it's an ideal time to remind you all to do your monthly checks. Young, old, male, female, we can all (unfortunately) get breast cancer.

If you're not sure what you're looking for, there's a handy checklist from the NHS at the following link: Click Me

3 Year Cancerversary

3 Years ago today I heard the life changing words of "I'm sorry to have to tell you that it IS cancer". As I blow out my 3 candles today, I think about the YBCN angels and how very lucky I am.

Here's to lots more candles :-)

2 Years On

Two years' ago today I was starting the scariest "journey" of my life. Today, Rob and I went to view some houses and then went to a BBQ to celebrate Steve's birthday. Life is good :-)

But the nearer the dawn the darker the night,
And by going wrong all things come right;
Things have been mended that were worse,

And the worse, the nearer they are to mend.
 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Tales of a Wayside Inn

Celebrate!

Today is a time for double celebrations.... It's my lovely hubby's birthday, and a year ago today I finished active cancer treatment :-)

Good News

Hoooooooooooray!!

Today I went to the surgeon to discuss the results of last weeks' MRI & mammogram to see whether I would need an MX or a Wide Local Excision (aka WLE). When we last met (because of the microcalcifications that were present when I was first diagnosed) they were erring towards the MX. However, chemotherapy has worked its magic :) I appear to have had 'a complete radiological response to chemotherapy' so the whole MDT are really pleased & I am now having a WLE instead.

Am booked in for surgery on 18th December, so although I'll feel tired for Christmas, at least it won't be the larger operation they were contemplating. Does mean I will need around 3 weeks of radiotherapy in Guildford every day (100 mile round trip) starting sometime in January, but that'll be another road bridge to cross when I come to it....

Little postcard from Han     

Top Tips for Getting Through Chemo

Today, if I was still having chemo, I would have been going up to Guildford to have cancer killing poison pumped through my veins. As it is, I am now a fully-fledged chemotherapy graduate (whoop!), so I thought it would be a good idea to share my own top hints & tips for getting through chemotherapy.

Before I was diagnosed, I had never read anybody's experience detailing the process of chemo, and to be fair, why would I have? So when I was diagnosed, one of the first things I did was hit the internet. Although there is a lot of scary stuff out there (a whole load of which is out of date), I did come across this webpage which is one woman's experience of chemo. I found it particularly helpful to read as she was having the same type of chemo as me. So many women have a great fear of having chemo. I was one of them. As coincidence would have it, I actually ended up talking to this lady on one of the forums I belong to for about 3 months before I realised it was her :) Thanks RevCat xx

The main reason for sharing my hints & tips is that although I found these tips (from the Breast Cancer Care Forum), particularly helpful, I really wanted to share what I personally had learnt and how I had got through the (hideous) rollercoaster that is chemo.

Visit the Chemo Ward:

• If possible, visit the chemo ward before you start treatment. I was able to go to the ward at Crawley before I had FEC which helped put me at ease, as I really knew what to expect. When I switched to the T at Guildford, because I hadn’t been there before, and therefore didn’t know what to expect, I was absolutely terrified. I had read so many scary stories about T, so I felt as if the chemo nurse was leading me to the electric chair. I had no clue what was going to happen and how I was going to feel afterwards. I know that if I had been to the ward beforehand, it definitely would have helped me.

Oral Hygiene:

• Have a read of this helpful link from Macmillan
• Chemotherapy kills off the fast-growing cells inside your mouth so make sure you visit the dentist before you start to check you don’t have any underlying issues that may become worse during your treatment.
• Chemo is really a time to listen to your mouth. Use a mild, dry toothpaste (I used something called Biotene) and a mild alcohol free mouthwash. I also used a child’s soft toothbrush and changed the brush every chemo cycle.
• During the T part of my chemo I developed oral thrush every time I had treatment. Yuck. Oral thrush shows itself as a white furry carpet on your tongue, makes everything taste creamy, metallic and disgusting and makes your tongue feel flabby. If you develop these symptoms, get thee hence to your GP, and get them to prescribe Nystatin and/or Fluconazole. I also had a toothbrush set aside (again changed every cycle) specifically to brush my tongue with. Made me feel sick doing it, but definitely helped clear it quicker.
• On the T part of my chemo, one of the nastiest side effects was that the inside of my mouth peeled. It was truly horrible and made me feel sick as I constantly felt like there were bits of skin in my throat. I mentioned this to my chemo nurses who suggested something called Difflam. Difflam works by reducing inflammation and also acts as a local anaesthetic, causing numbness and so pain relief.
• When my mouth peeled, I had a yucky flabby tongue and everything tasted of cardboard; the thing I found that helped more than anything was Del Monte pineapple ice lollies. Ice lollies are great because they help soothe sore mouths, and also pineapple is a natural cure for oral thrush so you’re getting two benefits with the one lolly. Definitely stock up on these!
• Addition from 2013 - My dentist has now prescribed me something called Duraphat which helps lessen tooth decay during (and after) chemo

Food:

• After you’ve had chemo, don’t eat anything you like. It sounds silly, as you might really be craving a certain type of food, but after chemo is finished, you will forever associate said food with chemo and nausea.
• When you are having chemo, I was told to suck mints to take away some of the funny metallic taste that you get in your mouth. I took humbugs. However, the thought of humbugs now really makes me feel sick. So I’d advise you not to take your favourite sweets!
• It seems logical to say, but eat right, eat healthily. Have a look at this helpful link from Macmillan about eating well.
• Your appetite will be peculiar during chemotherapy, some days you will want to eat everything and the next day you will barely feel like eating anything. Some people gain weight, I lost weight.
• Your taste buds will change. Chemo affects them and for me the result was that things tasted metallic.
• For me, bland food was what I wanted, especially when I felt nauseous. Mashed potato, rice, ice lollies, apple purée. Some people like more strong tasting foods like chilli, curry, highly spiced foods because they can actually taste it. In the end, it all comes down to what your body is craving.
• I also really craved pineapple (fresh/chunks/drinks/lollies) – it was one of the foods I could really taste.
•  Life Mel Honey
• I was told to avoid certain foods and follow a “pregnancy diet” during my chemo. This is due to your immune system being compromised and therefore your risk of infection being greater. I was advised to avoid soft cheeses, pâté, shellfish, cured meats, bagged salads, live yoghurts, buffet food,
• Heartburn can be a very common problem, some people say milk is a good cure, others say it can make it worse, I found it helped me, as did mini milk lollies. I also spoke to my chemo nurses about it and got prescribed Omeprazole. At first it didn’t touch the sides so I was told I could take double the dose which then worked.
• Constipation can be a massive pain in the bum (ha ha!). On FEC I didn’t manage to go to the toilet (after each cycle) for around 3 days which was very painful. Natural remedies are prune juice and kiwi fruit. I also took Senekot which worked too well!

Water:

• Water, water, water. This may sounds boring but it makes such a difference to recovery time. Drink plenty of water before, during and after chemo treatment. It will help to flush the chemo through your system, and will help to keep the bladder from becoming irritated.
• If you do end up with oral thrush, water can taste horrible (creamy, oily and metallic) so have some flavoured squash on hand to take this away.
• I also had a supply of straws to direct the liquid over my tongue (where the horrible taste was) and this really helped me to drink more.

Keep a Diary:

• Write down how you feel on each day, that way when you have your next cycle, you can look back in your diary and see how you felt last time and you will know what to expect.
• In your diary, log your liquid intake. That way you really force yourself to drink the recommended amount (6-8 medium glasses per day).
• Avoid people with colds, infections etc during your low blood count days
• Plan nice things – using the diary you should know when your body is bouncing back. See friends, go to the cinema, just be you.

Red Urine:

• If you have Epirubicin, don't be frightened if your urine is red or pink tinged, for 1-2 days post administration. This is normal and is due to the red colour of the Epirubicin.

Hair Loss:

• Have a look at this helpful link from Macmillan
• A couple of my blog posts on this subject are here and here
• Info on Cold Caps
• Get your wig ahead of chemo. My blog post on finding my wig
• I got my long hair cut short pre-chemo ready for the inevitable hair loss as it was a kind of half way stage between my long hair and total loss.
• Your hair tends to start shedding around days 14-19 after your first chemo (your lady garden tends to go first!)
• Some people suggest shaving your head when your hair starts to fall out as it’s more empowering, and allows you to take control. I personally didn’t shave mine because I liked the idea of keeping a little bit of hair (no matter how small) poking out the bottom of my hats, bandanas, scarves etc.
• Websites for buying hats and bandanas
• www.buffwear.co.uk
• www.hats4heads.co.uk
• www.theindiashop.co.uk
• www.randrconfidence.co.uk
• www.scarfhut.co.uk
• http://www.annabandana.co.uk/
• www.trendswigs.co.uk
• This one is also lovely but a little pricier: http://www.suburbanturban.co.uk/
• Your eyebrows and eyelashes will dramatically thin (or you may have total loss). Here’s my post about eyebrow & lash loss
• My head hair has already started to grow back and now, 3 weeks after my last chemo it’s about 1cm long all over. (I still have some of my “original” hair left too). I think my eyebrows are coming back too but not 100% sure!
• Have a look at this amazing YouTube channel from my YBCN buddy Andrea

Nails:

• My tips for looking after your nails can be found here

Skin:

• On chemo, your skin will be awful at first but then suddenly become smooth and glowing. There is a known SE called Chemo Glow!
• I got some fantastic paraben-free products from Tropic and Balance Me to nourish and care for my skin.

Nausea:

• Take all the anti-nausea medications that they give you as directed; do not wait until you feel sick as by then it will be too late. I did exactly this and was only sick a few times throughout my whole chemo experience.
• If you do have nausea though, have bland food, little and often.
• Ginger is good for nausea, ginger biscuits, crystallised ginger, ginger ale, arrowroot biscuits – all helped me.
• It is very important to eat something (no matter what) and keep hydrated.
• My nausea meds (Domperidone – sounds a bit like Dom Pérignon!) worked very well for me, but from the forums I’ve joined, I’ve heard that Emend is a stronger one that helped those who suffered more than me.
• I also heard of people using seabands as natural relief. I haven’t used them so cannot say if they work or not, but at £8, I think they’re probably worth trying.

Comfy Clothes:

• Get some comfortable and cosy clothes before you start chemotherapy. I went to TK Maxx and bought some jogging bottoms and hoodies which I lived in throughout my journey.

 Work:

• Some people choose to work during their chemotherapy and others don’t, it really is a personal decision.
• I’m very lucky in that my work fully supported me throughout my chemo. I was able to be off sick, work from home or go in to work depending on how I felt and that was a massive anxiety lifted off my shoulders.
• Macmillan provides some very helpful information for both employees and employers. It can be found here

Support:

• When you’re first diagnosed it is so totally overwhelming that you don’t know what to do.
• I joined a couple of forums: Breast Cancer Care, Macmillan and a Young Women’s group on Facebook and they have been a massive lifeline for me.
• If you can find a support group in your area, then please join one. I go to the Olive Tree which offers all sorts of treatments and support. There is a young women’s group once a month called Olivine which I attend at the centre. It’s great because I felt so young when I was first diagnosed and knowing that others of a similar age are out there is a massive help.
• Friends: One very difficult thing I learned is that some people in your life will stop contacting, visiting and calling you. I’ve spoken to other people going through the same thing as me and this has happened to all of them. I still don’t understand why and it’s pretty hard to deal with but other friends have really stepped up and I feel blessed to have them.
• Help yourself to deal with this. Try not to look at the whole picture. Take it one step at a time. Focus on each day at a time; then move to the next day and then the next day. Before you know it, your treatments will be over. I still can’t quite believe chemo is done.

These are just my tips though. Please remember that everybody is different. Although you can read blogs, join forums etc, you need to remember that the person you are reading about is not you. You need to really take the time to listen to your own body and do what feels right for you.

I hope that through this blog so far I have told it like it is and that it may have been helpful in some way for at least one person. If one person has found it useful then I've achieved something.

So, now, I’m starting to get ready for the next part of the journey where I become a beginner again. Any words of wisdom would be very welcome!

Chemo Grad - #6 of 6

Today I can say that I am a:

Over the next few days I'll update how chemo 6 has gone, along with my top tips for getting through chemotherapy! but today I'm just bloody pleased to have this part of the journey over with! Jo xxx

Quoi de Neuf

So this time it was more the Tax Van than the Tax Truck that came to town. Although as before the bone pain was horrible, it wasn't quite as bad. Apparently this is because you still have some FEC in your system, so dose #4 is like a double whammy, whereas dose 5 is just (just she says!) Tax not Tax + FEC.

I spent a lot of this chemo taking my temperature, and feeling paranoid that I would be going back to hospital again. Although I know that if that had happened, then hospital would have been the best place for me, the idea of it is still pretty hard to think about.

This chemo has made my eyelashes thin dramatically. I have maybe two lashes on each lower lid, and a few more on each upper lid, but they are becoming pretty sparse. However, the lovely Louise may have just come to my rescue. She works at QVC, and they support (the bloody brilliant) Breast Cancer Care. This coming week they are having a fundraising day, and Louise was chatting to someone who works there about me, and how I was interested in a product called Revitalash. The lady she was talking to then said she had two open samples of the product that I was very welcome to have :) So that's saving me over £100! I think I have to use it after chemo (as your skin becomes super sensitive during treatment), but I'll be able to properly monitor the results then and let you all know if it works or not!

The same thing has happened with my eyebrows which have all but disappeared. I do have a fab bit of make-up to disguise this fact though. It's called Wide Awake by Jelly Pong Pong. It has some eye brightener cream which helps hide my black bags (well suitcases rather than bags tbh!) and makes me look more awake. The eyebrow stuff is powder rather than pencil, so it's easier to use and not as obvious. The eyebrow powder stays on all day which is nice as I find pencil smudges/rubs off mine. There are also 3 colours to chose from, I blend them so use lightest at start of brow and very end, slightly darker leading to the middle on each side then darkest in the very top at the natural arch. I then smudge the whole lot with my little finger so it all blends together. I think unless you really looked, you couldn't tell I was follically challenged!

Chemo #5 is apparently the most emotionally difficult for chemo patients and I can relate to this. I think it's because you're coming to the end of your chemo journey and you have kind of got yourself into a routine, chemo, feel crappy for a week, feel a bit better (but you're housebound because of your low blood count), feel more normal and then it's chemo time again. Now, faced with chemo #6 it's kind of like, what's next, and you feel full of fear and uncertainty again. I know that the next stage is surgery. I'm meeting with my oncologist on Wednesday this coming week to discuss how the chemo has gone thus far, and hopefully he will be able to answer some of my questions about what's next.

This week, although tiring, has been a good one:

1. I won a competition at White Mischief Bridal - a day out consisting of a voucher off a dress, champagne, makeover, manicure, goody bag & sweet treats. Good news is that it's after my chemo, about week 4 so I should (fingers crossed) feel okay
2. I was able to go back to work (I braved wearing Erika!) and although it absolutely exhausted me it was great to go back. 
3. I got to see my sister Kitty & brother Henry (for the first time in far too long) along with my dad for lunch  
4. It was my two of lovely friend's (Laura & Hannah) 30th birthdays - Happy Birthday Girls!
5. Rob & I sorted the company that is going to do our invites, table plan, table names/numbers, guest book & postbox at for our wedding :)
6. I went to the cinema with Rob, Michelle & Dave
7. I have peach fuzz! My head hair is growing!! It's not much and is a bit like the fuzz you get on peach skin but it's definitely there and it's definitely growing :)

Previously, I would have taken doing all these things for granted. But now, although I used (loads of) spoons, just doing "normal" things is fantastic.

Tomorrow evening, there is a fashion show happening at The Hawth in Crawley called Catwalk Carnival to raise money for The Olive Tree (the young person's group I attend) so if you're in the area and fancy going along, please do :)

Best summary title for this post is Quoi de Neuf. There's not really an English equivalent but here's a rough translation

Update

So this week has been all about getting strong for chemo #5.

Came out of hospital to some lovely flowers from Amanda & Paul:

 

Felt well enough to go to work on Friday & it was great to go back in & get a sense of normality.

Sunday was Amanda's birthday meal at The Bull & I wore Erika, still not 100% convinced it doesn't look like dolly's hair tbh!

When we were there Amanda gave me my amazing quilt that she's been handmaking for me over the last month. It's Cath Kidston style, snuggley & absolutely fantastic :) Thank you Amanda :) xxx

 

Monday-Wednesday I went to work which was busy & fairly tiring - used lots of spoons! Saw Michelle on Tuesday night which was fun, good girlie night!

Today I went to St Luke's & had a blood test ready for chemo #5 tomorrow. I really hate blood tests! Never liked them but now my veins are becoming pretty hard so this time it blimmin hurt! We had a bit of a delay to see the BC nurse but as we had to wait, it meant my blood test results were back & the BC nurse said they were really good, better than last time even, so chemo tomorrow is a go.

Big thank you to Sandra for my Sanctuary Spa Treats gift set, I'm saving this for my achey bone time next week after T:

 

Also received a v colourful postcard from my ever thoughtful friend Hannah who has sent me a card ahead of every chemo I've had, thanks Han:

Chemo #4

Had Chemo #4 yesterday, 2 chemo sessions left!!!

Turned up to Guildford slightly early for our 10am, appointment and managed to get a space in the chemo carpark which was a good start. Checked in and was shown to the waiting room, evetually got seen 2 hours later, bloody hell, waiting rooms are hideous places!

It took the nurse a while to find a vein & in the end they found one on the edge of my wrist. Yuk!

The total infusion time took about 2 hours, after which we went to get my enormous bag of medicines from the pharmacy.

Have a new nighttime routine of moisturising, putting on cuticle cream, nail strengthener, hand cream and foot cream and then putting on gloves and socks. This is because T can affect your nails and skin so I need to be extra vigilant around this. On Thursday Rob kindly (& brilliantly) painted my nails a dark purple colour as they can be affected by UV and could fall off :s so by painting them the dark colour, the idea is to protect them from the sun.

Woken up this morning (& sorry if this is gross) but I've already managed to poop! On the last 3 FECs it took me 4 days to go so for me this is a mighty victory!

Chemo #2 - Update

I decided not to bother with the Cold Cap in the end, so much hair has fallen out that I really don't see the point of it any more. Means chemo can be over and done with in under 2 hours which is much better for me too.

A nice surprise was that the Olympic Torch got brought to the chemo ward. A lady who raised funds for the Crawley Comet chemo ward and other parts of the hospital got chosen to carry it as one of the local heroes so it was pretty cool to get that close to one!

Those of you who know me well know that I HATE the smell of bonfires when I'm in a car and that they make me feel sick at the best of times, unfortunately on the way back from the hospital we passed a particularly yukky one which caused me to fill a bag with vom - nice! Other than that SEs aren't too bad, just wish it wasn't quite so hot!

Chemo Day

It's an old adage but a true one that the greatest fear is fear itself. Today was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be, just waiting for the side effects (hereafter SE) to kick in.

Here's a photo of me (with chipmunk style squashed cheeks) looking scared in the Cold Cap. It was as the name suggests blimmin cold & I had to have it on for 45 mins, throughout the chemo (bout an hour) & then again for another 90 mins. When I took it off my hair was speckled with ice so I have my fingers & toes crossed that it does me some good.

I Have A Date

Just taken a call from Crawley Chemo Dept, Thursday 5th July I'll start the chemo. Blimey.