Look At Me Now

Very proud to have taken part in this video put together by my amazing friend Caroline 

#LookAtMeNow

2 Years On

Two years' ago today I was starting the scariest "journey" of my life. Today, Rob and I went to view some houses and then went to a BBQ to celebrate Steve's birthday. Life is good :-)

But the nearer the dawn the darker the night,
And by going wrong all things come right;
Things have been mended that were worse,

And the worse, the nearer they are to mend.
 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Tales of a Wayside Inn

2 Year Cancerversary

Today is my 2 year Cancerversary. Although obviously 22nd June 2012 is not a date I particularly want to remember, I think it is really important for me to mark the date in some way. It's important for me to do something special and nice on this date as way of saying "Screw You Cancer I Kicked Your Ass".

 

When I got up this morning, Rob was already at his parents house unloading our worldly goods into their garage (we're moving soon, flat is going on the market this week - super exciting!). On the way home he picked up some shopping and bought me an awesome cake and a lovely bunch of flowers.

 

We then went for a nice walk in Leechpool Woods with Fagin and in the afternoon we went to Caroline and Mo's with Bob and Laura for a BBQ in the sunshine.

 

A day of lovely memories!

 

#ScrewYouCancer

White Coat Syndrome

What is it about hospital appointments that fill you with dread? On the day the NHS stamped letter arrives in my postbox detailing my latest appointment, that familiar feeling: racing pulse, sweating, shaking and that dull, nauseating stomach sensation takes over. I'm starting to move on, to adjust to a 'new normal' and this just jumps in the way of my pathway. 

There are days when sometimes I don't think about the cancer, when I don't constantly touch my 'bad' boob, and when I don't convince myself that every last ache and pain, cough and cold is the bastard rearing its ugly head again. But there are also days when I do.  

I got my latest appointment letter for my June check-up in January. I dutifully wrote in my diary when it was, asked the hubby to diarise it as well, and filed the letter away in my cancer folder. Oh yes, the world is such a fun place when you have a 'cancer folder'.... Last week they phoned up to tell me that the location of my appointment had moved from Crawley to East Surrey. You would think by the way my body reacted that I had just been told some awful news, I felt ridiculously sick. I'm such a planner that changes in general make me a bit nervous, so I think when it comes to oncological ones I'll always be even worse. Plus East Surrey is the place where I was told I had cancer, and where I had my two operations. It doesn't really hold good memories for me you could say. But, thinking about it, it was also the place where my surgeon told me that he had cut every trace of the fecker out of me. So I should turn it on its head and make it a positive.

This morning was my 6-monthly check-up. Had been feeling okay since the 'location blip' but as soon as I woke up this morning, I felt the nausea, the heart rate and the pulse rising. I've been feeling very well in myself and noticed no changes other than the rib swelling. But still. I tried to centre myself with some of the CSP techniques and controlled my breathing as much as I could. This calmed me a little. 

Rob drove us to the hospital, we checked in, waited and were seen (on time!) by a super helpful member of Dr Houston's team. I'd never met him before but he was great. Answered all my questions, talked me through the 'proper way' to self-examine and just really put me at ease. In the appointment we mentioned my various medical pre-history like neurofibromatosis and increased blood iron. He didn't seem concerned but sent me for a blood test anyway. It was good to have someone that actually listened, and that I felt cared, unlike previous 6 month check-ups where I've just felt like a tick on a list.  

Anyway, all signed off now until next mammogram in January. It was due in December but they moved it for me as I mentioned the last one being in December had really put a dampener on Christmas.  It's definitely the little things that people in the medical industry do which make a massive difference.

Heart rate and pulse are slowly returning to normal now! Back to reality, on a train off to the busiest part of the wine trade calendar, London Wine Trade Fair. Then this weekend it's time for one of my bestie Amy's hen party, mega excited.

New normal, over and out. 

P.S. It's actually got a name and everything so guess it's not too strange I feel that way... 

1.5 years post-chemo

Celebrate!

Today is a time for double celebrations.... It's my lovely hubby's birthday, and a year ago today I finished active cancer treatment :-)

Yay!

A Long Wait....

Still waiting for the results from my mammogram that I had on 6th December. I've asked in my YBCN forum if this long a wait is normal and apparently is can take upto 6 weeks! Little bit ridiculous really :(

I think I'm going to ask if I can move my annual mammogram forward one month otherwise it will always be looming over me over the Christmas period which will be pants.

Brighton Meet Up

Yesterday evening I met up with some of the lovely YBCN girlies who are based in the South East. We had a lovely meal at Zizzis and a few drinks in a bar afterwards. Although some of us had only ever met "virtually" the conversation (and wine!) didn't stop flowing. Such a fab evening :-)

First Annual Mammogram

All done, now just a fortnight or so wait for the results....

Check Up

Today I went to Crawley hospital for a post treatment check-up with (the elusive) Dr Houston. As usual they were running pretty late, but thanks to the CSP breathing techniques I stayed fairly calm in the waiting room.

When I was called through I saw Dr Houston's registrar (hence the elusive comment above, think I've only ever seen my oncologist twice!) and we had a chat through how I was getting on with tamoxifen. My answer was/is pretty well tbh. I get occasional hot flushes, joint aches and hormone relate mood swings but they are all perfectly tolerable. 

Then I jumped on the couch and he tapped my back a few times asked me to take some breaths in and then I lay down and he felt both my boobs, my breast bones and my armpits. He didn't say anything but then they never do!

I have my mammogram tomorrow, then I'll be seen again in January by my surgeon (or more likely a registrar!) and then these guys again in June. So I'm seen every 6 months by the team and have annual mammograms. 

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween everyone, don't forget to TLC (Touch, Look, Check) xx

Chemoversary

 

Blimey this year has flown by!!

 

 

Getting Published #2

A few weeks ago I had a few interviews with 2 journalists, one lady who works for Cancer Research and another who works for a local Brighton paper "The Argus".

They both wanted to chat to my about my story, my blog and if I would support a new Cancer Research fundraising initiative called The In Thing. Of course I was happy to chat to them as it would be an opportunity to raise awareness of BC in young people and also to help with fundraising for Cancer Research.

 

I've just found out that the story has been published, it's a pretty long article so I'm really chuffed.

 

Article Here and Here

 

Here's where I was published first time (Macmillan Guest Blog)

50,000 Page Views

 

 

Super excited that this blog has just hit 50,000 page views, thank you everyone for reading and for all your messages of love and support :)

Willow Weekend

 

Rob and I have just got back from our fantastic weekend away at Longleat Center Parcs provided by the amazing Willow Foundation and what a lovely, relaxing treat it was.

 

 

Back in April I found out that my request for a "Special Day" had been granted by Willow (you can read my blog post about it here) and over the next few months Zoe (my special day co-ordinator) kept in touch arranging our fab weekend with us. We booked it for September so that we would have something later in the year to look forward to after the summer.

 

We drove down in Beppe to Longleat on Friday (past Stonehenge - amazing in the mist!),

arriving late afternoon and checked into our perfectly located lodge complete with log fire :)

 

The whole weekend was spent having nice walks, relaxing, reading in front of our log fire, swimming, going round and round in the rapids and having some lovely food - Willow even paid for us to have a meal out (we went for Tapas!).

 

I've even discovered a new talent this weekend - I'm a demon at Crazy Golf! I kicked my husband's butt by over 20 points!

 

Thank Willow, we had a truly wonderful time :)

 

 

 

 

 

For Willow's Facebook page click here

To follow Willow on Twitter click here

The CSP

Today (July 3rd)  I attended the first session of an 8 week course (Wednesday evenings) called The Cancer Survivorship Programme

I'm looking forward to the programme because I, like so many cancer patients felt lost when my treatment plan finished. When you have your diagnosis, your treatment, appointments, check-ups etc, although obviously it's a horrendous time; you are swept up in everything that's happening. Once all that stops, it's a case of stopping and thinking "holy crap, did that really happen to me" and that can be a pretty overwhelming thing. There is also the non-stop fear of thinking that every ache and pain (that you would have ignored or thought nothing of before) is the cancer coming back.

The CSP helps you to deal with these fears, and also teaches about nutrition, exercise, mindfulness, mental imagery and other techniques. Although I realise that I may not agree with everything that is going to be taught, I am going into it with an open mind and looking forward to what I can learn.

Week 1
Tonight's session was just an introduction to the programme, next week is when we'll properly start.

Week 2

Following on from I attended week 2 of 8 tonight. This week it was all about Stress Identification, Assessment and Management.

Week 3

Today's session was all about Mindfulness, is was really useful and I will definitely be putting some of the techniques into practise.

Wiki Link to Mindfulness description

A good phrase I got taught (from someone else not The CSP) which really captures mindfulness for me is: Don't Borrow Tomorrow's Sorrow. Sam said he was going to add that to the next lot of course slides which is fab :)

Week 4
Today's session was all about Mindfulness again. This time about Affirmations and Progressive Muscle Relaxation.

Week 5

Tonight's class was all about guided Mental Imagery and Goal Setting. Both of these are things I do in everyday life anyway so I think for me these will be fairly straightforward to get the hang of.

Week 6

Tonight's class was a continuation of last week, we looked in more depth at Guided Mental Imagery.

Week 7

Tonight we looked at "The Anti-Cancer Lifestyle". So we examined the right foods to eat, what to eliminate from our everyday life, cancer fighting foods that we should be eating in abundance and the things that are best to avoid. This was the session I was perhaps most nervous about as I didn't want to be told, if you eat this you will get cancer. It wasn't at all like that though, Sam taught us that our bodies are like a balance/scale and all we need to do is tip the balance in favour of the anti-cancer. So if we can only add one good thing and eliminate one "bad" thing then the balance is tipped in the right way.

Week 8

Tonight was a the final class. It was a continuation of last week and we also looked at the role of exercise.

If anyone would like any of the workbooks from the course, please drop me an email and I will send them to you xx

....Gone tomorrow

Today my friend Carrie shaved her head for Little Princess Trust.

 

My post from yesterday shows how long her hair was before

 

and this is her now.....

 

 

 

 

 

Carrie you rock! 

Hair Today...

Tomorrow my friend Carrie will be shaving her head to raise money for The Little Princess Trust.

 

This is what her lovely long hair looks like at the moment:

 

 

She even got a write up in the local paper (even though they got the date wrong!)

 

 

So if you can spare any pennies (or pounds) for this amazing charity, please Click Here

 

Check-Up Time

Today I had a check up at East Surrey Hospital.

It's about 6/7 months since I had my second WLE and although I was feeling very nervous about the appointment, I was able to use some of the breathing techniques that Sam had taught me at my CSP course so I was able to calm myself down.

Of course when I got to the hospital they couldn't find my notes and the appointment was 45 minutes late (despite being at 09h45 in the morning) so they were really testing my resolve!

When I did get seen it was a huge relief. They asked me a few questions about how I was coping with tamoxifen and then got my to take my top off and lie on the bed.

The doctor then felt my armpits and my right and left boobies. He said everything felt fine (and a follow up letter said that my breast felt "unremarkable- charming!)

They don't want to see me again until December when I'll have my first mammogram.

Hooray :)