No More Cake

5 years ago, it's oh so clear,

In the waiting room, the rising fear.

Walking into that stuffy room,

Increasing dread, impending doom.

I'm so sorry, the surgeon mumbled,

And my whole life began to crumble.

I made it though the treatment plan,

Got married to a wonderful man.

I'd been given a reprieve,

We'd picked our kids' names; Alfie, Niamh.

Every year upon this date,

I'd put a cake upon a plate,

Adding candles one by one,

Blowing them out, reflecting, another year done.

Another year of being me,

Another year of cancer-free.

In the blink of an eye, that all has changed,

My whole future rearranged.

Today there's no cake upon a plate,

There's no 5 years to celebrate.

My cancer is back, this time it's worse,

It's like I have some kind of curse.

Stage 4 (or mets) means there's no cure,

So a new plan I must endure.

Treat it for as long as they are able,

Keep it at bay, keep me stable.

The darkest thoughts inside my head,

I'd written myself off, I was already dead.

The oncologist dilutes my fears,

He says "you could have years and years".

There it is, the bubble of hope,

Something to cling on to, to help me cope.

So currently I'm being fried,

With radiotherapy to keep me alive.

They'll take my ovaries, an oophorectomy.

Will I feel less womanly, will I still be me?

Then move on to new hormone pills,

I'm hoping the side effects won't make me ill.

Constant monitoring, blood checking, scans,

Are all a part of my new plan.

As I find my new normal and readjust,

Forgive me, it'll take time to get it sussed.

"Eat Life" a wise friend once said,

I'll seize the now, for no-one knows what lies ahead.

I may have not made the magic five,

But I'm bloody thankful I'm alive.