CT & Bone Scan

Today I had my two scans at East Surrey hospital. I slept so badly last night, I'm so fecking terrified. My mind is going to some really bad places, running down rabbit warrens, on and on, it's impossible to stop it. I know I don't know yet but I'm pretty convinced it's going to be shitty news.

Anyway, I had to be nil by mouth from 06:40, 4 hours before the CT scan (not hard, I can't eat at the moment anyway, I projectile vomit, 6lbs lost since Thursday...). We drove to the hospital with me trying to drink water (you have to drink a litre in an hour before the scan) and not vom. We signed in at the reception and then I was led away, told to put a gown on and was then led through to the CT machine. I had a drip thing put in my hand and started crying. The team were really nice and explained everything that was going on but lying under the whirring machine brought everything crashing down and smacked me in the face. Basically they are checking my organs for cancer. If there is cancer in the organs I will die from it. Cancer in the organs or bones is treatable but not curable, and that's the rabbit warren I've been going down.

Then I went round to nuclear medicine and had a radioactive dye inserted into my veins and was told to go away for 3 hours to give the dye time to get around my body.

Rob and I left and went for some lunch but I am literally finding it impossible to eat, everything makes me want to hurl. In the end after a lot of debate I chose an open chicken sandwich, I managed about 8 mouthfuls before I had to run to the loo to be sick. I'm in such a state of overwhelm my body just rejects everything. It's so bad as I need to keep my strength up but I'm finding it so hard.

We head back to nuclear medicine and I have the bone scan, it takes 22 minutes exactly. I'm lying on a bed (my head saw it as a mortuary slab - told you I was in a dark place) and a camera starts at the top of my body taking photo after photo until it reaches my toes. And then it's done.

I should have the results from these scans and my biopsy all in one go next Tuesday. Basically if it is cancer, they want to be able to tell me everything all in one go. It's shit I have to wait but it does make sense that way.

Fucksticks

P.S. Scans are shit but sparkly shoes are always amazing.

Coughs and Sneezes

I've had a persistent cough now for about 3 weeks. Lots of people at work have it too but given everything I thought I'd go to the docs.

I went over first thing this morning at 08h15 and got given an appointment at 9am. Doc examined me and said chest seems normal (and told me that there are a lot of viral coughs going around at the moment), but given my history wanted me to have a chest x-ray anyway.

I asked when it was for and she said they could fit me in immediately at the hospital. Drove there, waited 5 minutes and had x-ray.

Now I have to wait a week for the results. I so hate the waiting game but am blimmin impressed with the NHS' efficiency this morning!

 

 

Update: Called the docs for the results of my chest x-ray. Receptionist said notes on system say "satisfactory result. No further action required" Hoooooray!

6 Weeks Check-Up

Can hardly believe it's 6 weeks since I finished radiotherapy, blimey. Anyway, 6 weeks post-rads you have an appointment with your oncologist who looks after your radiotherapy. It's basically to check you skin is okay, not inflamed or broken in any way.

Rob & I drove to East Surrey, I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach the whole way. I knew I wasn't having any scans or anything but it was just the association with the hospital.

I went into the waiting room and as usual they were running 1/2 an hour late which did nothing to help my nerves.

Dr Zap then called us into his room and we had a chat and then he examined my skin. He said it looked really good and healthy with no signs of burning or irritation - hooray.

Silly Game: Help Dr Zap Kill The Cancer Cells

Home Sweet Home

My goodness it's lovely to be home. Slept so well in my own bed last night, no dip in the mattress, comfy pillows & no cannula in the arm :) Feel totally overwhelmed & a bit in shock by it all to be honest but I'm so happy to be back with my boys!

The stay in hospital now I look back on it was actually okay. I was treated very well, had my own room (due to risk of infection) & was allowed (limited) visitors outside of visiting hours. What wasn't nice was being away from my family, being isolated & not knowing what was actually wrong with me. The food was also mank & I've lost almost 2kg in the time I was in hospital. The chemo nurses won't be pleased about that so will have to try and put some back on. That's harder said than done though because firstly everything tastes metallic & cardboardy & secondly, although I don't feel nauseous any more; the T has made the inside of my mouth & throat peel so it feels permanently like I have bits in my throat which in turn makes me feel sick.

One thing I was worried about after having all the drugs in hospital was that it would delay my chemo but Rob contacted Guildford & they said "don't worry, this happens all the time (that's pretty scary!) so chemo will go ahead as normal". That means #5 is next Friday & then there should be just one left!

Photo of my cards:

 

Thank You Michelle, Granny Clarice, Sandra & family, Caroline & Mo, Robbie, Lesley & Katie & my Buying Buddies :)

Cross Everything

Fingers crossed I can escape tomorrow! Temperature back to normal, heart-rate still slightly high but not enough to be worrying & tummy okay too. As long as bloodwork results are positive when they take them tomorrow I'll be a free woman :)

Fingers crossed, thumbs held, toes crossed too!

My balloon from Michelle:

Hospital Morning #1

Blogging this post from my hospital bed.

After being told I was being admitted, I got moved to the Ardingly Ward. I was put in a room to the side on my own & was eventually brought some food (6 hours after first having requested something to eat!). Rob left & I had a bit of a boo as just felt so overwhelmed by everything.

Had yet more antibiotics & fluids administered & then Michelle turned up for a quick visit. Whilst she was here I got moved to a more 'sealed' room. We worked out how to use the TV, find it pretty cheeky that you have to pay even to watch regular telly.

After Michelle left I had yet more fluids that took until about 02:45 to finish dripping through. With the canula in my arm, feeling totally overwhelmed by everything & just generally stressed, it was really hard to sleep; I think I got 3 hours in all.

Got woken at 06:30 for more antibiotics & asked for a shower about 08:30. Got brought my menu for the day & picked my options cod & potatoes and then quiche & salad for dinner. Was hoping I'd be out today and not have to choose but I guess that means I won't be..... :(

Blood nurse came in and tried to take my bloods in my arm where I had FEC but the veins are so hard they wouldn't bleed so she had to take them from my hand - yuk. Come on bloods, please be back up!

Eventually got my shower at 11:15 and am now just settled on the bed, think I'll try and have a quick doze :)

Update: Here's a pic of my lunch..... Not had Smash mashed potatoes in years (they're still rank!)

Hello A&E

I'm currently in A&E in Haywards Heath as after a morning of being sick, having an upset tummy & a temperature we thought I should get checked out.

Got admitted quickly as when you're on chemo you have a sort of fast track card. They took my temperature which had gone back to normal, my bloods, my blood pressure & my heart rate. My blood pressure was normal but my heart rate was fast and after a few hours of waiting it turns out I was neutropenic. Which basically means I have very low white bloods cells and therefore no immune system. This means I'm going to be admitted to hospital for at least an overnight stay :(

Here's a pic of me in an A&E waiting room looking less than wonderful!