Race For Life & Nerves

Today I was scheduled to do Race for Life which is a 5km race which raises money for Cancer Research and as I had booked to do it months before any of this even happened I was determined to go ahead and do it still. I ran it and the total is now over £800  http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/joannacugley so I am really pleased with myself for doing it and at the same time totally and completely overwhelmed by people's kindness.

Tomorrow I'll find out a bit more and therefore what my treatment plan will be. I know I'll be having chemo, surgery and then radiotheraphy but I don't know anything about how much, how long etc etc.

I'm worried sick about the side effects of the chemo, the prognosis and so many other things.

I'm due to be getting married in April 2013 and I am terrified I won't be able to one minute and then the next minute I'm using that as my determination focus.

I have no idea how to "be" at the moment and keep being sick because I work myself up so much.

I'm sorry if this part of the blog is rambling and doesn't make sense but I think I am just totally overwhelmed by everything. I am usually such a self-controlled, organised person, I think the fact that this is so not under my control is also one of the things that is working me up the most.